Thursday Talks: Why I Have Trouble Reading SOME Books?

Reading should be fun. It should not make you feel like you are forced to read it like during those school days. If you don’t feel like reading, then don’t. If you want to pick a book and be absorbed in the story, then do so. I don’t let anyone control my reading experience. It is okay if you will recommend some to me, but don’t always tell me what I am missing for not joining the hype on that book.

I read any books that I think I will enjoy, but why does is it hard for me to read SOME books? When I speak of SOME books, I mean those books that have heart-breaking, triggering, sad, depressing, and tragic story. I know that there are people who like to read a book where they will sob and cry, but there is also me who is afraid to read them. The reason behind is something I never talked about with my family and friends. Only a few – like less than five friends – know about the situation I’m in. And writing this too is a little bit hard on my part because it is like opening a window to myself which I always keep closed.

Whenever I read a story that has triggering scenes or dialogues, it is difficult to think and feel. I felt like I’m being pulled again in the dark and deep well where I was thrown before. Don’t take it literally, okay? There is no well near my house! But, yeah, that is how I am going to describe the dark old days of mine where no one can reach me and same for me too. The only thing that makes me keep on going is the light that I see above me, and that is to achieve my dream. I’m quite ambitious, as you can see — a perfect Slytherin! Anyway, I’m a human, and I’m not susceptible to all these dark and overwhelming emotions. It’s a little bit okay if the story is sad, but it is another if I feel like the main character shares the same problems and situations I have: not the typical issues, but those depressing one. It is hard to move on from something that you ran off before and then, all of a sudden you’ll be back there because the book has just transported you without any warning. Maybe it is one of the reasons why I like reviews with spoilers because, from it, I will see and know what I should expect from the book if I should stay away from it or not.

But it is funny too. I like reading dark stories. If you like or have read a dark story, you will know that there are, most of the time, a lot of depressing scenes and parts there. But I still keep on reading them. Weird, right? I don’t really know the mystery behind it but, I think I kinda figure it out. Diving in a world where everything is dark, I can say that I feel like it is my world — an alternate universe for me during my dark times. In there, I understand the characters, and I am empathetic on them. Like I’m reading a part of myself on a story where their decisions and thoughts look like mine. For some who don’t understand them, they will think that the characters are stupid or whatsoever. They won’t know why they are like that because they never once felt how to be in those kinds of situations. Reading book with dark worlds let me see which is the reality, and it gives me time to think critically of all the choice I am doing in the present. It is helpful for me to be calm in every situation. I learned how to control my emotions and calm my anxiety.

You see, I find it difficult to decide if I should read a book or not if it is known to have triggering parts. Nevertheless, it does not stop me from reading some of them. So, as a reader, we must understand why other readers won’t like to read the books we love, and otherwise. We shouldn’t judge them if they read books which we think are not a good read, because you don’t know how those books helped them in any way. Just be supportive and share some love.

Let’s Talk!

Do you also have trouble reading some books? If yes, what kind of books, genre, theme, or maybe tropes are you trying to avoid? And why?

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